Do you know anyone who “turns everything into a crisis?”

It may sound counterintuitive, but crises (and solving them) can become addictive. Especially when they’re in a position of leadership, people can get “hooked” on crisis!

Let’s look at some aspects of neuroscience behind this problematic behavior.

Having a crisis isn’t typically considered a good thing. But solving a crisis feels really good! Fixing an emergency earns
you a big pat on the back. You get lots of thumbs up pointed in your direction.
Maybe this is you. Or maybe you know someone like this, someone who thrives on crisis. Think of it as ‘The Fireman
Phenomenon.’ Firemen are heroes! When you’re running around solving crises in the office, you’re a workplace fireman.
You’re putting out fires all over the place. It feels good to be the hero!

When you face a crisis, you get an adrenaline rush. It pumps you up. Some people love that feeling! It’s kind of like
bungee jumping – it’s not for everyone. But some people love the huge dose of hormones – the rush – they get from
jumping off a bridge. It hits their brain quickly like a drug.

How does this Fireman Phenomenon play out in the workplace? What impact does it have on business?
Some people can get ‘hooked’ on the feeling of solving major problems at work. When leaders get a great feeling from
solving crises, it can lead to an ongoing cycle of crisis management. The person who “turns everything into a crisis” ends
up creating major issues out of simple problems.

In the business world, someone might create a culture of crisis around them. Even if it stresses them out, it makes them
look good. It’s stressful at times, but handling that stress feels very rewarding. They’re the hero. They’re solving
problems. They’re putting out the fires. But when this happens, the crisis culture can spread. Things don’t get done until
the last minute. Minor issues get put off until they spill over into major problems. Business operates at a constant level
of high stress.

When this happens people actually get sick more often. Stress-related diseases kick in. People can’t handle it – they
can’t cope with the crisis culture. They need more time off. Not everyone wants to be a fire fighter!
A person like this can use appropriate tools to change their behavior. They need to raise their self-awareness of these
phenomena. Doing so will allow them to work on accountability and being a better leader. It’s a perfect example of the
concept of SelfAware.

SelfAware means raising awareness of trouble behaviors and using the right tools to change them.

‘Could coaching help school leaders (or leadership teams) secure achievement with school improvement priorities?’  I took my leaders on a journey to find out the answer.  Six years later, we have a school where coaching is integral to what we do.  Ours is culture of coaching at all levels which proves that the answer to that original question is ‘yes’, in a variety of different ways.

1.  GETTING A VISION
   Leaders need to know and understand what coaching is first of all – how it can make a difference to the effectiveness of the organisation and then be clear about what their culture will look like.  As with the process of coaching, it is about having clarity of goal.

It is said that ‘why?’ is not always a good question to ask during a coaching session sometimes bringing out some defensive behaviours or the need to prove one’s viewpoint; but in this case “why?” is exactly the right question.  Simon Sinek in his Ted Talk ‘How Great Leaders Inspire Action (Start with Why)’ encourages us with the idea that ‘People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it’.  Or, to put it another way, you need to start by asking yourself – what’s the purpose behind having coaching in your school?

We started by getting the vision clear for our school  in our particular circumstances.   At that time coaching was a fairly new buzzword in schools so it was important that I was clear what I wanted to create and why I wanted to create it.  I developed a picture of what coaching would  look like in our school – and then shared my vision with my Senior Team who were enthusiastic and open to embrace it.  I shared the vision with my coach, dare I suggest that a leader should get coaching to be able to develop a coaching culture in their organisation..?

2.  GETTING CLARITY
Being able to describe the vision is key and helps bring others on board.  There may be naysayers and sceptics in your school, as leader you need to be crystal clear on the direction coaching will take the  school and the benefits it will bring. I didn’t have any models or testimonials from other schools at that time but I did set out to learn what we could from the business world (where coaching is commonplace and widely understood) and the sporting world about how coaching has brought success and could help define our own clarity.  We got clarity, and now find that coaching will enable people to create change through learning and in turn this has allowed us transform our organisation.  This research and reading of case studies gave us strength when things got a bit cloudy.

3.  BUILDING GENUINE OPENNESS
   There needs to be a culture of openness and professionalism if coaching is to make a real difference.  This is not a quick fix and for us it is something we guard with a passion now it is in place.  If honesty, integrity, openness, professional conversations and the ‘confidence’ to make mistakes are the mainstay of the organisation, then coaching will bear much fruit by adding to the good practice already in place.

Timothy Gallwey in the introduction to the book Leadership Coaching states that “Creating an environment that minimises judgement is one of the central attributes of successful coaching.  Because coaching takes place in the domain of the inner, the unique human gifts of compassion, kindness and clarity are required in greater degrees than are normally expected…”

If the conditions are right, people will want to coach and to be coached; it adds to shared accountability and shared successes.  We trust each other, when we are coaching each other there is an excitement of expectation.  Borrowing the skills of coaching and using them in everyday conversations has raised awareness of each other’s capability to achieve highly.

4.  GETTING BUY IN
   There does need to be buy in, if not from everyone initially, then by ‘key players’.  For us it started with training senior and middle leaders who then ‘spread the word’ by just doing it!  Leadership teams need to be coaching each other both formally and by having those informal coaching conversations that for us brought challenge, clarity and direction.  By having different types of coaching provision all stakeholders can now be involved and everyone benefits pupils included.  We include everybody.

Our pupil coaches In my school, children as young as nine years old are trained as ‘Lead Learners’ to coach their peers to achieve success.  They know the difference between telling someone what to do and helping someone to discover things for themselves and they know how to stick faithfully to the process (using the GROW model).  The parents benefit from coaching conversations (they may not know it but they do)!  Our ‘Structured Conversations’ have replaced the traditional ten minute parents/teacher meetings and now take the form of a 35 – 45 minute conversation using the identified skills of coaching – questioning, listening, rapport and challenge to action. We know, understand and regularly prove that coaching, if implemented faithfully, will have a great impact on everybody.

5.  MAKING IT A PROJECT
   Developing a coaching culture in school needs to be like any other intervention or provision you might implement – it needs a plan.  We treated it as a project – we had timescales, training, case studies, research, a budget.   The plan was made clear, we made sure that it was (and remains) congruent with the priorities in our school development plan.  We made sure that along the way we had a ‘professional’ who was  going to add value and bring experience and expertise to our plan.

Staff will need training if coaching is going to become embedded and not just be a nice added extra. Always have the vision central and the outcomes clearly in view. What will formal sessions look like?  Which structure or coaching models will you use?  Plan strategically and logistically. Expect it to take years not weeks or months.

6.  PROVIDING OPPORTUNITIES
Getting staff trained is step one (my own training took the form of gaining a diploma in coaching).  The change for us came when everyone ‘got brave’ and started coaching each other; the more you coach the better you get at it.  It may feel ‘clunky’ and strange at times but if all the other elements are in place and people are open minded then it will work. Stick with it.

Our provision comes in a variety of forms – there are peer to peer conversations across the workplace, coaching is seen as a leadership style and it is used in teams and for families.  There is allocated time for those that want formal coaching sessions, coaching provision for all new leaders (coaching for the first 100 days in a new post), coaching triads around specific school improvement priorities, the ability to request one off coaching from Leaders within school.  The nature of conversations has changed over time – coaching conversations are now the norm, particularly among leaders.

To create a coaching culture there has to be opportunity given at all levels to put the new skills into practice. Co-coaching (and supervision) provides quality assurance and supports development of coaching skills as does on-going CPD for coaches.

7.  CELEBRATE!
   Record what goes well.  We know that coaching has to be more than a cozy conversation.  Without celebrating achievement of goals, noting the journey that the coachee has been on and the learning that has taken place, the impact could be lost.  We have to remember to  celebrate and to document successes.   These become points of personal and professional reflection and review, as well as opportunities for evaluation.

What are the benefits to of implementing coaching throughout my school?  Stronger more effective team working, honest conversations, trust between colleagues, greater professionalism, focus by everyone in the organisation on a shared goal, inclusion, a common approach and a common language, belief that the answer is there to be found, belief in the strength of each member of the team, a strong vehicle for managing change, time for each other and positivity to name but a few!

Sometimes we can have a bad day where things may not always go to plan. When we have a ‘bad day’ it can be unsettling and if we allow ourselves to dwell in these thoughts it can lead to feelings of frustration or sadness.

If you want to break out of a bad day and turn things around, below are 5 ways to make a bad day better:

1. Look for the lesson

Sometimes we can beat ourselves up if we’ve made a mistake or something hasn’t worked out the way we wanted it to which can send our minds into a spiral of negative thoughts. The next time you find your thoughts shifting to the negative stop and remember to be kind to yourself by asking yourself questions such as:

• ‘What have I learnt from this situation?’
• ‘What would I do differently next time?’
• ‘What’s the silver lining from this situation?’

When we choose to direct our minds towards empowering questions we transform the negatives into positives which allows us to embrace our mistakes and keep things moving.

2. Go for a walk

Going for a walk and breathing in fresh air can help reduce any tension or anxiety you may have and allow you to re centre yourself. When you go for a walk and remove yourself from a situation often having that time out can help you to clear your mind and look at things with a fresh perspective which often helps you to relax and approach the situation with a renewed sense of hope.

3. Accept the day is challenging

Sometimes days can be challenging, maybe your work has piled up or you have a number of people demanding your time. Get some perspective on the situation and remind yourself that you’ve had days like this before and you got through them, knowing that it’s a temporary situation and that it’s a bad day not a bad life helps you to dissociate from any unhelpful inner dialogue and cope with whatever may be going on.

4. Spend time with friends

Sometimes the only thing we need to take our troubles away is to have a good conversation with a friend. Reach out to one of your friends and set the intention to make them feel good about themselves, often when we make others feel better, it can make us feel better about ourselves too.  Maybe you could have a good catch up on the phone or meet up for a coffee and spend some time letting your hair down and having some fun. Sometimes all it takes to turn your day around is spending time around people who love you.

5. Do something nice for yourself

Doing something nice for yourself helps you to get out of your head and have something to look forward to. Maybe you can plan to watch a funny film that you have wanted to watch or cook yourself your favourite meal? Maybe you could book yourself in for a pamper session or spend time quality time around your children or pets. When you do something nice for yourself it helps your troubles to fade away and helps you to wake up seeing things with a more optimistic perspective.
Remember a bad day doesn’t always equal a bad life, keeping things in perspective and remembering that things could be worse can help you to snap out of it, in no time.

So life didn’t turn out quite how you thought it would.

Your friends have alienated you.

Your family has left you.

Your job has fired you.

Your health is in decline.

Temptation and addiction has taken hold.

You have sought out behaviors designed to mask your depression.

Your bank account is dropping li, and the business end of a razor blade feels friendlier than all of this bombastic reality surrounding you. Then again, maybe you are one of the lucky ones. Maybe, you’ve lived a charmed life. Maybe the world has been at your fingertips, but even so, there is still something. One event or a chain of things that still to this day hinders your full potential. The bottom line is that something happened. Something, somewhere, has altered the intended trajectory of your life.

I have neither been the luckiest or unluckiest in life, and yet, life has been exceedingly difficult for me. I would love to delve into the personal sob story that has been the road behind me, but I think that it is important to recognize that it is behind me. I have developed a level of inner peace through pain, through heartbreak, through NLP and psychological study, and through commitment. I should also say that this process of trial, error, study, and repeat took me at least a decade. I can’t make a single promise that anything I have done to help myself can help you, but certainty of outcome yields no novelty.

If you are anything like me you will have tried to change your circumstance. You might have even sought professional counseling. However, nothing seems to stick. You might have even made changes, and, they may have seemingly worked for a time, however, inevitably, whatever was there before still rears its ugly head. You’ve got to do something, and maybe, for you, like it was for me, a life and death, get better or die, situation. If this is the case, let me urge you to fully explore every available option before making a rational decision.

So the stage is set, the lights are on, and you’re all ready to learn the secret inner theme, the thing that everyone around you seems to already know, which must have been nestled right under your nose the entire time. Well, it has been. Sorry, I know, I was really pissed off about it too. It’s about perspective and distance. Whatever chain of events has happened to you is only so much of the puzzle. The bottom line is and has always been your reactions to it. That isn’t fair, I know. It almost feels like victim blaming. How can you be held responsible for the actions of others against you, or even for blind dumb luck. Well you can’t, but you can be held responsible for all of your own actions. Now, this can become very tricky territory.

This is so tricky, and perhaps borderline inflammatory for a reason. I’m trying to elicit a feeling. Shame on me for telling you that it’s all your own stupid fault. I am to blame for writing such awful things that led you to think or feel a certain way, but aren’t you to blame your investment in my opinion, as evidenced by reading this page? My point is neither to upset you, nor to tell you not to trust. I wanted you to look at situation from a removed or meta perspective. The idea is that even the largest of things get smaller from afar.

The true jewel at the center of neuro-linguistic techniques is to help people create that distance for themselves so that they can make future decisions in a less reactionary way. To give an example of this I will tell you about a girl I helped in my living room shortly after graduating and returning to my hometown. She had some very serious family problems that she had been running from her whole life. I don’t intend on getting into too much detail, mostly because, I didn’t need to know what here problems were in order to help her gain escape those, still very present and very real, feelings.

I asked her to sit down and close her eyes. I gave a short speech that I will not repeat here in this form, because, giving everyone the keys into their own self conscious is mildly irresponsible, because, there is some real damage that can be done in there if you don’t know what you’re doing. The best explanation I can give here is that inner consciousness is VERY picky about words and phrases, and sometimes you can be unintentionally negative towards yourself, which can have farther reaching consequences than you might have intended.

Once we had done the dog and pony show of accessing the inner consciousness I asked her to play out those events. She, at once, began demonstrating physical discomfort. Then I asked her to go backwards ten feet and then ten more, and so forth until she seemed comfortable. I asked her to play it out and look at the events playing in front of her with distance. This allowed her gain what is called perspective. She, herself, found a way of learning what she needed to learn from the situation. This perspective allows you to bury the invasive feelings associated with an event without carrying the weight of those feelings with you everywhere.

So, while this is an example of helping someone with a specific event or series of events this kind of therapy can be applied to all kinds of life adjustments. The only thing you need to do is commit to the process and have a strong trust with your provider.

Stop holding yourself back, and go charge down the life you deserve.

My first two years as a qualified Solution Focused Motivational NLP coach have been full of learning experiences. My initial diploma training in Coaching and NLP finished at the end of 2017. Since then it has been increasingly clear to me that at the centre of my personal coaching philosophy lies my core belief in the ability of people to realise and exceed their own expectations of themselves ie ‘People are amazing! One coachee in particular had been so undermined by a bullying culture at work that she couldn’t see, feel or believe in her many strengths and resources. It has been interesting to note that at least 60% of my coachees have been sabotaged by debilitating limiting assumptions which needed re-framing to allow the potential of ‘who I really am’ to emerge It’s become increasingly clear during 2018-19 that the essence of my coaching is to unlock people’s potential in order to enable them to maximize their own performance.

We are, as John Whitmore has suggested,  like ‘acorns’ – full of latent potential – but we need the right encouragement, light and nourishment to become magnificent oak trees. My job as a coach this year has been to enable my coachees to see & experience this for themselves.

My coaching sessions with a wide variety of individuals this year have led me to the conclusion that too many people see themselves (and are seen by others) in terms of their past performance, not their future potential. This results in insecurity, a lack of confidence, compromised self-belief and frustration both with themselves and their circumstances.  Building my coachees self-belief using a combination of positive psychology and an Appreciative Inquiry approach has been the bedrock of every coaching session. Sometimes it has been coachees with the greatest obvious abilities who have found it most difficult to discover what happiness means for them. Once they have gained insights during the coaching sessions into who they are and what they are meant to be doing (and why), the transformation to their self-esteem has been remarkable.

One of the most important aspects of my current work as a Coach is to ‘facilitate’ self-belief and increasing self-awareness in my coachees. This has encouraged each one to take responsibility for their own development in pursuit of their goals. So often clients have come to a session feeling they don’t have choices but have left knowing that they do have the strengths and necessary resources to make those choices! I have become a strengths facilitator and an awareness raising listener.

This is who I am as a Coach.

The many models and concepts I have used from my training portfolio, including the learning surrounding ‘surface’ & ‘deep’ language structures from the NLP practitioner course, have encouraged me to increasingly embrace a sense of professional satisfaction in my new role as an ‘Awareness raising facilitator of strengths & positive psychological principles’ for my Coachees.  Every coaching session leads towards a solution which is ‘owned’ by the coachee. Focusing on the problem rarely works. It only succeeds in embedding it deeper!

The learning journey has certainly been exciting. What a relief it is to go into every coaching situation (whether formal or simply as part of the conversations held during a working day) knowing that there are no right answers, just honest ones. The release from the straightjacket of needing to find THE right answer has affected the way I ask questions of my students in my ‘other’ role in the classroom. The responses I give to the students answers now seek to draw out THEIR learning rather than to convey mine.  My coaching philosophy has affected the conversations I’ve had with many of my colleagues where listening ‘deeply’ to what they are saying (verbally and through body language) has had liberating results for them – they have loved their experience of a ‘Thinking Environment in action’.

The learning journey continues!

Having had the pleasure to meet and train many amazing life coaches over the years it has been extremely rewarding to hear the success stories they have had not only in their own lives but also when working with their clients. Life coaches have had the pleasure to see their clients attain their dream jobs, drastically improve their relationships, build up their confidence to set up their own businesses, win awards, travel the world and live a life full of purpose.

Seeing these successes not only reaffirms the joy in why we do what we do; it also demonstrates the sheer power of coaching and the difference it can make in people’s lives. If you are curious about the benefits of coaching, below are best ways life coaching can help you to become the best version of yourself:

1. A Life Coach can help you to see things with a fresh pair of eyes

A coach asks powerful questions which help you to see things outside of your current perspective. Often many of us can go through life with fixed ideas on certain situations and a coach can help you to view things differently so that you can consider a different approach helping you to become unstuck and move forwards.

2. A Life Coach encourages you to take action

A coach can help you to acknowledge your present circumstances and motivate you to set goals so that you can take steps towards achieving them. Doing so moves you away from limiting your passions to daydreams and brings them firmly into your reality. Having a coach who can help you to formulate a plan and who understands your fears or worries whilst providing support along the way can amplify your courage to take action.

3. There is no room for hiding

Working with a coach stops you from shying away from things that hold you back and if you try to talk yourself out of pursuing your goals a coach can help you to pick up on this so that you can move away from self-sabotage and feel the fear to do it anyway. A coach can act as a mirror reflecting back anything which could be halting your progress so that you can take your foot off the brakes and race ahead.

4. A coach can help you to stay motivated

Attending an inspiring seminar or event can be exciting but it’s not uncommon for the positive effects to wear off once you get back into your daily routine. Working with a coach allows you to consistently maintain your motivation whilst pursuing your goals and if you find your motivation dipping a coach is able to reignite it with power questions that can remind you of the bigger picture. This support can help you to overcome procrastination and prevents you from limiting yourself from further expansion so that you can maintain the momentum.

5. You have a safe space to be open

We may not always feel comfortable enough to express our fears with family or friends but working with a coach provides you with a safe space to be honest about what’s going on internally.  Laying your fears on the table allows you to get your thoughts out of your head so that you can become aware of your inner dialogue, be open about your obstacles and express your vulnerabilities, doing so can assist you to discover new ways of activating your inner strength and power.

6. Life Coaching is a journey

Working with a coach can be a transformative journey that allows you to understand yourself on a deeper level. When working with a coach you’re provided with a safe environment and the solid support of someone who can assist you to grow into the best version of yourself every step of the way. Your coach is someone who can be patient with you, who can motivate you, someone who won’t take your excuses and ultimately guides you to moving closer towards the person you want to be.

7. What you leave the session with stays with you

Whether it’s a new learning or an empowering realisation, the benefit of working with a coach means that whatever you learn and discover along the way stays with you. Your new levels of understanding, habits and ability to overcome limitations are skills which you can build on. Whether you want to continue working with a coach or feel comfortable enough to sail by yourself the next time round, everything you have learnt along the way remains with you.

Working with a life coach is a great way to reflect on our challenges, conquer our fears and puts us on the fastest route towards our desires! Imagine what would be possible for you, if you were able to become the best version of yourself?

Coaching gives you a chance to get out there and transform the lives of others but if you’re really serious about turning your coaching skills into a coaching business, you’ll need clients to work with.

One of the key ways many coaches can find coaching clients is via networking. Networking isn’t about going to an event and handing out your business card to every person in sight, it’s about meeting others and building solid relationships,  and with studies showing those who network to be three times more influential than those who don’t, investing time into networking is a no brainer.

If you want to build a thriving coaching business, below are 6 ways to get the most out of networking:

1. Connect with the right people

Social media and sites such as Meetup and Event bright have made it easier than ever to instantly get a list of up-coming networking events and online communities that you can join which can put you face to face with the right people. Making a list of local networking events which are filled with your ‘ideal clients’ in your chosen niche and showing up is a great way for you to connect with the right people who need what you offer.

2.    Don’t sell

Your primary purpose for attending a networking event shouldn’t be to ‘sell’ it should be to build relationships. Focus on adding value to others and think about how you may be helpful to them – don’t approach networking with a mind-set of what you can get, instead focus on what you can give. The most successful networkers are those who walk in to a room with an intention of paying it forward and seeing who they can assist.

3.    Perfect your pitch

We often have a short window of time to make an impact. Making what you do as clear and as easy to understand as possible, is the best way for you to capture someone’s interest. An elevator pitch is a short and punchy 60 second pitch that focuses on the benefit you’re offering and the problem you solve. Avoiding the use of jargon, using language that your ideal prospect will understand and practising your pitch until it feels like it’s being stated in a natural way is the best way to capture someone’s interest, without turning them off.

4. Be Curious

A good coach is no stranger to asking the right questions and the power of listening skills, so choosing to ask questions and listen & engage with people at networking events should feel like second nature. People tend to like people who are like themselves so asking interesting questions and getting to know others is not only a great way to build rapport it also provides you with the opportunity to a) get an idea of the needs of others b) understand how you may be able to help them and c) get an insight into what it may be like to coach them. The more you shift your focus onto others the easier it can become to build positive relationships.

5. Capture data

Handing someone your business card and hoping they will get in touch won’t guarantee they will. Capturing someone’s details, making a note of the conversation you had and recording it on a spread sheet or folder is a great way to ensure that you keep track of their details and allows you to build a relationship with them down the road. It is also worth keeping in mind that meeting someone at an event and automatically adding them to your emailing list without their permission is bad form so don’t fall into that trap, ask them if they would be interested instead of assuming. Investing your time and efforts into networking without keeping hold of the details of others can be a waste of your time and energy, even if you’re unable to help them at this stage or they are unable to help you, you never know when you may need their services or when you may want to connect them to others, so don’t rule them out completely.

6. Stay in touch

There’s nothing worse than meeting someone at a networking event, building rapport and never speaking to them ever again especially if you want to get clients for your business. Most coaching clients want to work with someone they can trust and this means that some may want to build a relationship with you which extends beyond an initial 10-minute encounter.  Sending them an email after meeting them and showing interest by occasionally checking in with them or going for a coffee helps them to establish trust and refreshes their memory to either consider using your services or recommending them to others.

Networking is a time tested way of building relationships. When you are building a coaching business, the more people you meet that could benefit from your services, the more likely you are to have potential coaching clients. Coaching is a people business and people buy from people.