I can’t believe another year has come and gone so fast. Another year of life changes, of personal growth and development, and of wishes for the upcoming year. It seems like it all went by in the blink of an eye. A new year signals a fresh start, a new beginning. A new year means new promises, new goals, and hope to achieve them all. It’s inspiring how many people use their new year’s resolutions as a jumping off point to a better life. This year should be no different. However, if you’re trying to begin again in 2021, there are some feelings you should leave behind in good old 2020.
Resentment is that ugly little devil that comes and sits on your shoulder every once in awhile. It’s those feelings of anger and displeasure that slowly creep up at someone or something that is perceived by you to be unfair. Dreaded unfairness! It just makes you want to stamp your feet and throw your hands up in the air like a child in a tantrum doesn’t it? Well I’ve learned that I’m an adult and you can’t do that. I’ve also learned that resentment does not change the unfairness. Life is unfair and you won’t always get your way. Harboring resentments will only hurt you in the long run. It’s best to accept these feelings and release them. Don’t bring your heavy resentments into the new year.
Oh nasty, overwhelming, coulda-shoulda-woulda, regret. It’s soul wrenching. It’s not just the regrets we loathe, it’s the feeling of never being able to accept certain events or actions. Regret will consume you if you let it. The replaying of situations and scenarios becomes methodical after awhile. The truth is you’ll never be able to go back to those moments. The past is the past and it should stay there. Learn from it, grieve for it, and let it go. Don’t let regret drag you into 2021.
I feel like I’ve had anger management issues since I was a young girl. Everything just devastated me. I just couldn’t deal with the smallest things making me mad. I had no concept of letting things go and I finally found out it hurt no one but myself. Anger will eat you up inside and chip away little by little at your positive happy heart. Anger doesn’t change situations and it doesn’t make the outcome any different. I encourage you to release your anger this year. Leave it behind and instead think of positive ways to change your life.
Anxiety can be a complex feeling. It’s that constant worry that nags at you and the fluttering your heart does every time you think you forgot to do something. Anxiety is that catalog of possibilities that you file away in your brain and flip through every time you feel uneasy about a situation. Some people cannot control it no matter how hard they try. If you have not been medically diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, and even if you have, I suggest trying to release your negative energy and focusing on the positive. Practice meditation by relaxing your mind. These things can help reduce anxiety levels. Get the right amount of sleep, eat well, forgive yourself for not getting it right today, and try again tomorrow.
Google defines shame as: a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. I know it as a deep feeling of emptiness inside my soul. It’s a combination of humiliation and self-loathing. Shame is the wall that forbids you to come to terms with who you really are as a person. It’s that feeling that sometimes pushes you to the edge; that makes you think maybe you can’t make it through another day. It can be debilitating. Shame can prevent you from becoming the person you’re meant to be. It can make you feel like you’re not worthy when you are. Shame should be left behind in 2020 because it has no place in your positive future. It serves no purpose but to slow your self growth and damage your self confidence.
At the end of every year we reflect on the past and we make promises to ourselves to become better people. Yet most of us still harbor these five feelings, even when starting fresh. If your goal is to achieve your dreams, to become a better version of yourself, or to simply just be happy, I encourage you to let go of shame, regret, resentment, anxiety, and anger. Leave those unhealthy emotions behind in 2020. By doing this, you’ll truly start 2021 with a clean slate ready for prosperity.
If you want to grow a highly successful business, you should never leave things until the last minute. You must plan your year in advance and manage your time wisely. It may sound extreme but if you know each week what you have coming up, you won’t find yourself double-booked and doubly stressed.
With the end of year approaching, there are no more excuses. It’s time to get down to business and start planning for 2021.
I’m going to reveal to you the exact system I use to plan my year – both personally and professionally. If you have a life or business partner, for maximum benefit, I highly recommended that you share this blog with them.
Step 1: Plan your personal life
After being in business for more than 10 years, I’ve worked out that if your personal life isn’t working, your business productivity is probably running at less than 30 per cent. So your first step to planning your year is making a list of the important dates in your personal life. This way you can balance growing your business with enjoying time with your family and friends.
Here’s what you can add in your calendar:
- Add in your birthday and family members’ birthdays
- Pick 1 day of the week with no work (min)
- Add in 4 x 2-day breaks per year (min)
- Add in date nights with your partner
- Add in time for personal hobbies or charity
- Add in time for personal care (hair, massage, nails, etc)
Step 2: Plan your business life
There are three things you need to consider when planning your business life. These are the big rocks, pebbles, and sand in your business.
The big rocks are activities that contribute to business growth. By doing these activities, you can attract more customers and generate more sales. Depending on your industry your big rocks could include conferences, expos, workshops and promotions.
The next one is identifying your pebbles. These are activities you need to do to deliver the promise of your product or service. This could include webinars, podcasts, Facebook live streams, and so much more.
Finally, sand is everything else you need to do to run your business. From team training, content planning to performance reviews, you can add these activities in your calendar. Other activities you can add as your sand are:
- 90-day action plan sessions (quarter)
- Team reward days (month/quarter)
- Content creation days (quarter)
- Stocktake, cleaning days, etc (quarter)
Once you’ve identified your big rocks, pebbles and sand, start adding them in your calendar.
Step 3: Share with your team
Set a time with your team managers to review your growth (rocks), delivery (pebbles) and support (sand) plans for your business. This step is vital so your team knows what the company is aiming to achieve next year and everyone can work together to make that happen.
Step 4: Add everything in your diary
If you’re using an online calendar app, make sure to take time and put everything into your diary. By blocking those important dates in your diary, you’ll have a constant reminder of where you need to be and what you need to be doing.
Step 5: Print copies and post on your wall
Once everything has been finalised, print copies of your calendar and give to all the people that need it.
As we approach the end of the year we inevitably start to think about the past and the future. Emotions get jumbled up and often it’s the negative memories that surface first. In a year as challenging as 2020, it can be especially hard to release the negative energy of chaos and uncertainty that has been our daily companion for 9 months now. Let’s correct that!
New year, new you – right? As cheesy as this might sound, many of us long for it. How many new years have passed with you dreaming up new ideas, goals, desires? Something to change in your life, however small it may be. It’s part of growth.
But something new starting means that something has to end. We have to let go of one bag to pick up another. And you might feel that this year, that emotional bag is especially heavy.
Heavy with negative thoughts, with anxiety, grief, anger, tiredness, somehow hopeless and hopeful at the same time. It is important to release these emotions from time to time and if you didn’t focus on this regularly, the end of the year gives you a great opportunity to let go of all the negative emotions that will not serve you in the new year.
So what can we do – now and in the future – to release negative emotions? Here are some steps you can take to get started.
Step 1: Breathe
Your brain and body need oxygen to function properly. Mindful breathing can help calm a foggy mind and strengthen your muscles.
Several types of breath patterns will help you calm down, from the simplest to the more complicated. You may choose simple deep inhales and exhales, might prefer a triangle pattern ( inhale for 4 seconds – hold for 7 seconds – exhale for 8 seconds) or the box pattern ( inhale 4 seconds – hold for 4 seconds – exhale for 4 seconds – hold for 4 seconds).
So before you get started with anything else, take a few minutes to breathe deeply with a straight back – standing, sitting, lying down, however you feel most comfortable.
What matters is that you allow yourself that 1 minute where you simply focus on your breath. You can do it in your car before you walk through the door from work or in your chair for a short break to re-energize yourself.
Step 2: Shake it out
Your body stores negative emotions for far longer than you realize. While you have consciously forgotten the first week of lockdown, your body remembers how you felt anxious during the daily briefings and the fist balls from all the event and holiday cancellations in April.
So your job is to help your body release that negative energy. Shake it out, jump around or dance – all of these activities will help.
Take it a step further by moving 30 minutes a day. Whether it’s a cardio workout, weight training or a simple walk. This is one of the most fundamental habits that is proven to help keep your body fit and healthy. Your body will thank you profoundly and you’ll see reduced stress, anxiety, and depression.
Step 3: Name it and point to it
Most of our negative emotions start wreaking havoc when we don’t know exactly what they are. You know that feeling when you’re irritated and snap at people? As soon as you become aware of it, instead of ignoring it with ‘I don’t know why I feel this way’, try to label it.
Feeling angry? Go deeper. Do you actually feel let down or critical? Feeling betrayed or resentful? Natalie Costa advocates helping kids expand their emotional vocabulary but actually, adults could make great use of the wheel of emotions too.
We liked this one. Print it out, look it up on google or save it to your phone for easy access. And next time you feel an uncomfortable feeling, try to name exactly what you’re feeling.
This will take away from the power of the mysterious, uncontrollable feeling and put it back into your hands.
Once you name it, try to pinpoint it – where do you feel this emotion? In your head? In your palms? Where did it start? Your stomach? Your chest?
Pinpoint it as best as possible. This will allow you to recognize it easier in the future.
Take a step further and address it.
In a recent Coaching Conversation with Kris Thorne, she talked about managing thoughts and emotions and she shared her best tips to address it. ‘Here comes worry again’ or ‘It’s the old story of resentfulness again’. Try changing the voice to a cartoon character, a radio presenter or put it into a song and this will help neutralize it.
Step 4: Journal
As coaches, we know how powerful the written word can be. But did you know that it might give you a window onto your subconscious thoughts?
Free-form journaling is useful in many ways and you might already be using it in your goal-setting. It’s also useful to try to figure what are subconscious is worried about.
A useful technique might be to sit down and write 3+ pages with the intention of releasing your negative emotions. You might start by writing about that annoying person who wasn’t wearing a mask in the shop and move on to all the work that’s overwhelming you. But after these surface emotions, you’ll start to go deeper.
When you think to yourself – I don’t know what to write anymore, push past that because that’s when the real magic starts.
If you enjoy the written form, look into journaling. Used regularly, it may prove an effective means of releasing thoughts that don’t serve you, getting clarity and other benefits.
Step 5: Use prompts
Most might prefer to use a notebook to journal, but feel free to use a canvas to paint or a recording device and talk into. Use these questions as prompts to reflect on.
- What are some feelings I felt back at the beginning of lockdown that don’t serve me anymore?
- What are some thoughts I had this year that don’t serve me anymore?
- What does my inner child think about this past year and what does it need in the coming month/year?
- What does my inner critic think about this past year and what does it need in the coming month/year?
- What is something I need to accept?
- What is something I need regularly to be at my best?
- What do I want to feel next month/year?
Make this a monthly habit! Adjust the questions as needed and add new ones if they would benefit you.
Additional ideas that will help you release negative emotions.
- Go out into nature
Whether it’s going outside for a walk, having a coffee in the nearby park or going for a morning hike – being in nature has tremendous health benefits. (https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/nature-and-mental-health/how-nature-benefits-mental-health/)
It helps calm the mind, reduces stress and anxiety and it also gives you a different perspective on life. You might find that by looking at some flowers and enjoying the sunshine, everything is not as hopeless as you’d think it is.
Some people might think that mindfulness is the skill of being present. Actually, it’s a practice of coming back to the present moment over and over again.
Meditation helps some people. There are grounding exercises you can try. Behaviour experts Kate Baily and Mandy Manners shared a great exercise in one of our latest Coaching Conversations, the 5-4-3-2-1 method. Name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste.
Curiosity is a great way to implement mindfulness in your walks. So is watching the clouds above you if you’re sitting.
Whatever your preference is, remember that mindfulness is not about staying present, it’s about bringing back your awareness to the present when you notice it’s drifting – again and again.
This state of calm will allow your brain to make new connections, and perhaps your mind can notice a different perspective from the one that it’s used to. It allows you to reset to a balanced state so that you can move forward proactively instead of reactively.
Releasing emotions can be a daily routine or a monthly exercise. Just like art, these exercises are subjective and you will decide for yourself which ones work for you and which ones you don’t work. Wherever your preference lies, implement some or all these ideas and watch that negative energy move away from you.
And now it’s your turn – Do you practice any of the techniques we shared? What else helps you release negative emotions and energy?
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If you would like to know more about what Coaching is and how it can benefit you and the lives of others, or if you feel that Coaching could be a potential full or part-time opportunity for you, contact us on our Freecall number – 1800 032 151 or visit our website – www.lifecoachingacademy.edu.au .